I Need Your Help!

I know it has been a long time since I've posted but I could really use everyone's help with a school assignment!  Last month was all about learning to collect data and proper research and my final assignment was to complete my own survey.  I decided to create a survey to see if I could build a company that would provide a better monthly subscription for Pop Funkos.  I would really appreciate it if you could take just a few moments to complete my brief survey!! Please clink the link below! Thank you! 

Pop Funkos: Monthly Subscription

Beautiful Hair on A Budget (And then some!)

Okay so I wanted to do an update to the original blog that I wrote over a year ago about my favorite hair products.  The products I'm using and the things that I'm doing have drastically changed!  Everyone is always asking me about what I do and what do I use!  So here it goes! 

So over the years I've done so much to my hair.  I bleached it on my own to go pink (see previous blogs for how too!), then I colored it black to cover up the pink.  A few months later I colored over the faded black to make it red, then I went from a faded red/brown to blonde in 2 sittings.  From there I had to go to my natural color of a dark chocolate brown because of how damaged my hair was by this time.  The blonde, while lovely, really did a number on my beautiful hair.  At the time my hair was past my shoulders but not quite to the middle of my back and in order to get it healthy I had to cut it up to my shoulders. 

This picture was taken towards the beginning of December of 2014 after having it colored brown and cutting off all the dead hair to get it healthy again.  From there I started researching different products that I could use to help get my hair healthy again but I didn't want to spend a fortune.  Now I still stand by the products in my last blog but those were more just products I recommend, I wasn't using all of them at that time.  I also want to remind everyone that hair is different, what works for me might not work for everyone but don't be afraid to try something new until you find what works for you!! 

This is what my hair looks like now! The picture on the left (or on top) was before I colored it, I went a few weeks shy of a year without coloring and the picture really shows how long it got.  From the front it doesn't seem like that long but it is actually about an inch (maybe a few more) past the middle of my back.  The picture on the right (or the one on the bottom) was taken at the beginning of December, just about a year after the first image in this post.  

 

What have I used to keep my hair healthy?

 

There are several different things that I use and things I do to help keep my hair healthy.  First and foremost I don't wash my hair every day.  I wash my hair at most 3 times a week and when I shower I just pull my hair up to keep it dry.  Washing your hair every day not only strips your hair of its natural oils that it needs but it can also dry out your scalp causing dandruff.  Now some women have the ability to go longer without washing but I have oily hair and really can't go more than 3 days a week without washing it. Something else I started doing a long time ago was stopped using things like hair spray and gel.  I almost never use hair spray unless it is for a special occasion or I'm doing something special to my hair like fancy curls.  I also don't believe in "heat protection" when I'm flat ironing my hair.  Every time I've ever tried it my hair just feels dry or it ends up really greasy. I know, I know queue the large gasps of horror but honestly...I've never had damage from my flat iron or my blow dryer.  This might sound strange but I also play with my hair A LOT.  I not only brush my scalp a lot but message my scalp as often as possible.  Not only is it relaxing but I read some where that it helps circulation and therefore helps your hair grow.  I can't prove that this is true but this is just something that I do and I like to think it helps!

 

1. Coconut Oil -  I have always heard so many good things about coconut oil but never really tried it until back in July.  This has been one of the best things I've used in my hair recently but I can't even really tell you why.  What I can tell you is that after a treatment my hair is shiny, soft, manageable, less frizzy, and just all around really amazing.  I can also tell you that the coconut oil helps with my dandruff and helps keep my head from being itchy between washes.  I do want to try a different type of coconut oil to see if the results are different but for right now I'm just using pure, virgin coconut oil from out of the grocery section.  You can get a big jar of it for less than $10 and the process is really simple.  The coconut oil will be solid when you open it but it will melt with just the heat of your hand.  Just rub it through your hair and work it in to the hair and scalp really well.  I tend to just soak mine really good to make sure it can soak up as much as it needs.  This will drip down your neck so make sure to wear a shirt you don't care about and don't lean up against anything.  Leave on your hair for as long as you want, there is no wrong amount of time! I leave mine for at least an hour but if I had the time I'd probably just leave it on all day! When you're ready, just wash it out! You may need to shampoo it twice to make sure you get all the oil out.  I have heard some people heat the oil first then put it in their hair.  I haven't tried this but I can't imagine it would be bad.  Heat will open the hair follicles and help it soak in more so don't be afraid to try adding a little heat.  *Heat with caution, you're putting oil in your hair after all*



 



 

This is the oil that I'm currently using.  I have heard that using pure, organic, virgin Coconut oil is best but I figure coconut oil is all the same and were on a budget here.  This size bottle will cost you about $7 at Wal-Mart and will last for a while if you don't do frequent treatments.  I'm about half way through and have been using it for about a month with once a week treatments.  There is no wrong answer with this product, if you want to do a treatment every other day you can.  Just make sure you're washing your hair really well or your hair WILL be greasy.  The product also has no smell so if you don't like the smell of coconut oil that's okay!

 

 

2. OGX Coconut Milk - I never really took the OGX products seriously.  I always figured they were just a subpar product that was over priced.  Boy was I wrong!  Their coconut Milk serum is amazing!  I put this in my towel dried hair after every wash and if I know I'll be wearing it up I'll put a little in to just boost my hair and help with fly away hairs.  This product does smell like coconut but it isn't overwhelming.  It is an oil base so you don't want to put too much in your hair (always start with less and add more if you need too) or it will be oily.  It will also make your hair feel a little funny when it is wet but when it is dry it will make it feel SO soft!  It also really does help with breakage and helps keep frizz out.  I think this bottle is about 4 oz and will run you about $6 but even with my long, thick, curly hair it will last me at least 3-4 months.  You don't want to try and use this when your hair is dry unless it is just a tiny, tiny amount.  Now, if I know my hair is going in a bun I will through some of this in my hair because in my mind it helps my hair so why not?  Doing this also helps with fly away hairs that you would normally spray with hair spray.

 

 

3. OGX Shampoo and Conditioner - There are 3 different ones that I have tried so far.  I did try their Brazilian Keratin one and while it smelled really good, I didn't really care for it.  It just didn't make my hair feel how I wanted.  To me it almost felt dry but I would still say give it a try.  I am currently using their Keratin Oil one and I like it well enough to keep using it but it still falls into a second place.  The keratin oil still makes my hair feel soft and has helped to keep my frizz down.  My all time favorite shampoo and conditioner by OGX is easily the Awapuhi Ginger.  This stuff is AMAZING!! My hair was easier to brush out, felt like silk, and straightened so perfectly.  The only reason I'm not currently using it is because I can't currently find it in big bottles!  The shampoo does have this weird consistency, almost like a putty but it lathers up really well.  I would recommend putting a small amount in your hand and working it almost into a lather before putting it on your hair.  This product won't just soak into your hair like other shampoo, it will slid off if you have too much before working it into a lather.  The conditioner is also really thick but it coats the hair really well!  Each bottle will run you about $6 but sometimes you can find their big bottles for the same price, and I definitely recommend getting the bigger bottles if possible.  I am also interested in trying a couple of their other shampoos like their Vitamin E and B-5.  Both of theses vitamins do AMAZING  things for your hair!

 

3. Vitamins - Now I'm not talking about a supplement you can take, I'm talking about a liquid oil that you can put in your hair.  For a while I was mixing Vitamin E oil with my coconut milk but I started noticing the other day for some reason that the mixture had started to smell a little weird, not really sure what that is all about.  Vitamin E however has several really good uses (like coconut oil!) so I would highly recommend finding a way to get it into your hair, even if it is just a treatment that you do maybe once a week or maybe add a little bit to your hair when you wash it.  I also think you could mix a little scented oil and be okay.  The bottle that I was using for my mixture had the remnants of peppermint oil and I think the smell just wore out.  I really loved the mixture of coconut milk and vitamin E!  So I would say just find a scent that you like and get to mixing! 

 

I think this one is what I was actually using but any liquid Vitamin E should do just fine.  Vitamin E also has other really great uses like for scars and rough skin! This will cost probably about $6 but will last for a really long time since you're mixing it with the coconut milk.

 

4. Keratin Conditioner - I found this mask or deep conditioner at Wal-Mart that seems to be really great on my hair though I really only use it now after I color my hair.  I haven't found a cheap product that compares to the Its a 10 with Keratin but this seems to be okay for now.  It does make my hair feel pretty soft and helps make the strands a little strong to keep them from breaking.  I've also noticed that it is easier to brush out my hair after using it.  The only place I have found it so far is at Wal-Mart for $1.77.  I'm sure you could use this as often as you wanted, I just don't have time to deep condition my hair every single time I wash. 

 

What did I use to color my hair?

 

If you take a look at my previous blogs I have gone over what I prefer to use when bleaching and what I used to get my hair pink. However, after spending a year getting my hair healthy again after being blonde, I naturally didn't want to bleach it to go magenta again.  I also had to be careful that I didn't got too pink because I work in a professional setting and pink hair would be frowned upon. 

 

 

I have used this product in the past in "red" and the result was really good so I thought I would give it another try but in magenta this time.  This product does not require pre-bleaching if you have dark hair and that to me was the goal.  The product is a cream color so it is really thick but it has a really nice coverage. I don't recommend using this in a closed area as it does have a very strong smell and it will make you sick.  The product lightens and deposits the color all in one go so it is also really nice if you're crunched for time.  Now when looking up the product I have seen SEVERAL different results (see pictures below that are not me!) so it is hard for me to tell you exactly what it will look like.

As you can see both of these girls had very different results and it looks like one was taken outside.  I think if you have really dark hair, the result will be a little darker.  If you have lighter hair you will probably get something that is more of a brighter pink. 

 

 

 

This picture has no filter, was taken about 3-4 days after I colored it and under a florescent light.  I'm not sure what will happen will I recolor it in a couple of days if it will come out lighter.  I may have to throw in some red to tone down the pink a little.  I will say this...red/pink/magenta hair is the hardest color to keep.  It will fade out every time you wash it and bleed onto anything when your hair is wet.  I haven't found a way to keep the color yet but I can say that washing in cool water and using sulfate free shampoo/conditioner will help! From what I know the OGX products are sulfate free.  I will have to do another blog later on if I can figure out how to keep the color vibrant between colorings. 

 

But that is it! That is the big secret to my hair color and how I have gotten my hair to grow!! If you have any questions please feel free to leave a comment!! 

 







How to : Apply Press On Nails

I received so many compliments on my nails that I wanted to do a how to on applying them!  It really isn't hard to put them on but I have had so many experiences where I put them on and they just come off after a couple of days.  I feel like the way I did it this last time may be the reason they held so well.  Sadly, this isn't a process where a log of pictures can be applied because of the glue but feel free to leave comments with your questions!

So these are the things you will need, the black nail file is optional.  All of these things (except the black nail file) will come in your box!! Now the nails you see are the nails that I have already sized for my nails, your box will come with multiple different sizes so you can pick the best ones for you!
   ---I like to select my sizes and then lay them out in the way you see above.  My thumb nails are in the middle with my pinky nails on the outside.

1. If you have ever been to the salon, you've seen them make the nail rough before putting anything on them.  I use this same method when applying these nails.  I use the black board (which has a lot of grit on it so it files a lot really fast USE WITH CAUTION ON YOUR PRESS ONS!!!!) on my entire nail, to make the the top and sides of the nail rough.  I also file natural nail as short as it will go because I personally can't stand to have my natural nail under the press on.

2.  This is where you want to take the wood stick to push back your cuticles.  If you look one side has a point (not really sure what that side is for" and the other side is more rounded with a flat side.  I use the flat side to gently push the cuticle back.

3.  You will want to then size your nails,  The instructions on the box on clear, but for me I slide the nail into the bed until it won't go any further.  On some nails this puts the fake nail under my nail bed...again I'm not sure if you are SUPPOSE to do that, but I've never had a problem with it and it seems to look a little more natural.  On some nails you may need to file them to fit the nail better.  DO NOT USE YOUR BLACK NAIL FILE FOR THIS!  The included blue one (has a black side) works best. When filing to size, do this gently and follow the line and curve of the nail.  Also check the size regularly so as not to over file!

4.  I also use this time to shorten the nail if need be.  Last time I made them shorter after I clued them on and it worked out okay but on this set I thought if I filed from the front of the nail I would lose a lot of the design, especially on the white nail.  So with this set I followed the curve of the back of the nail and filed until I reached the length I wanted.
   ----I would leave the nail a little bit longer than you actually want it because once the nail is on, you will end up filing it a little bit more.

5. Once you've finished filing its time to glue!! There really isn't a right or wrong way to do this, just go with what feels comfortable! This was the first time I ever had press on nails tell me to put glue on my natural nail AND the press on.  It isn't clear on how much glue to use so the first time was pretty messy for me, this time I wasn't so heavy handed.  I did a thin layer of glue on my natural nail just enough to make the nail look wet) and then did 4 dots on the nail.  2 down the middle, and then one on each side.  The goal is to make sure that you have enough glue so that there are no air bubbles.  Air bubbles are bad!!

I did test the removal process and according to the instructions you're supposed to soak in acetone and then just wipe it off.  This would be a great method IF you have nothing better to do then to sit with your fingers in nail polish remover...and no one has time for that! Now...when I did soak them the nails did become soft and took on what could only be compared to gum.  You know when you step on warm gum on the ground? And it kind of smears but its so damn hard to get off your shoe?! Its like that.  Now when it came to my right hand, I just used a metal file with a point on the end, to separate the glue, this method does minor damage to your nail so long as you do it carefully, but was SIGNIFICANTLY quicker!

This was the final outcome!! I had to change some of the nails because the case didn't have the right size for the pattern I wanted but that's okay, they still came out pretty good!! Feel free to ask questions if you have any!!!

Review: Kiss Press on Nails

Its been awhile since I've done any type of how to blog or a review! So I thought I'd give you both at the same time! I am the kind of girl that gets her nails done on a regular basis.  I have been getting acrylic nails since I was in high school, spending about $45 every two weeks to sit down and have someone do my nails.  Of course over the years this has caused a considerable amount of damage to my nails, but I love having them.  Recently my partner and I have started school, so trying to come up with about $90 a month to have acrylic nails has gotten to be too much.  Now...yes I could just paint them but my nails are so thin and brittle...and nail polish lasts about 3 days but it takes me several hours to paint them how I want.  So I've been exploring other options.  About 2 weeks ago I purchased a pair of press on nails to simply get me through to fills.  It had already been a month since my last fill, and it would be about another week before I could make it to a salon.  So I spent about $6 at Wal-Mart and hoped for the best.

So on the right was the night I put the nails on and on the left is today when I took them off.  It has been 2.5 weeks since I put them on.  I've had no glue touch ups like I thought I might, no breaking, and no chipping.  The only problem was that the white nails started to turn colors because I am a smoker, but to be fair this happens with my acrylics too, also as you can see on my index finger, the design started to peel off.  All in all, for $7 not bad! 

I'm not really sure there are significant pros except that for $6 you get the nails, a small bottle of glue, a small file, and a little sticky thing to push back your cuticles.  How can anyone complain about $6? There area few cons but I can't say that they are significant enough to make me not want to do it again.  The glue is messy (but it peels off after like a day or two), the nails are never a perfect fit for me and I have to file them to fit (Even medium lengths are too long), and it can be time consuming.  

All in all - I'll probably continue to use press on nails for a little bit, At least until I can afford to go to the salon!  I am also going to look into doing just clear nails that I can paint myself so stay tuned! 

The Haus of Burlesque

I want to urge all of you to go and like a couple pages I have started running!! Even if you are in a different state, go and like the page!! I will be posting pictures and videos WEEKLY!!

The first is for a group of friends that perform - The Haus of Burlesque and The Dragstreet Boys They perform every Thursday at a local club and it is my favorite night of every week!! For information about what goes on every Thursday, like the page.  If you aren't local but are still interested, like the page! I take video and pictures of every show and it will be the perfect way to stay in the know about what is going on with the group!! Just click the link above!! 

The second is for the fur baby of one of the performers - Fishnets for Flash  One of the performs saved this sweet baby from 8 years of abuse.  He has recently been diagnosed with Lymphoma but is doing well.  Almost all of the lumps originally found are almost gone but he still has about 15 treatments left.  For a full months care it cost about $900 so we are accepting donations to help with his care through the page.  Regular updates along with photos will be posted to the page, as well as any information about future benefits that we will be hosting for Flash.

So please please go and like these pages! Share them with your friends, your family, your neighbors, people who aren't your friend, strangers, and that guy that's been creepin' on your page for weeks now! If you can scrape together even just a dollar, please consider donating for Flash!! 

Thank you!!

(*Note to reader: Due to my template the links don't show up until you over over them.  Please find the link behind the "-" Thank you!)

"Paper Towns" John Green - Book Review

**Warning: If you haven't read this book proceed with caution.  I will probably spoil the ending.  There is no probably, I WILL spoil the ending.**

I started this book on Monday evening. Well in all fairness I started this book like 2 weeks ago, but thanks to my hectic schedule and work I didn't get to really get into it until Monday night.  I got about half way through and had to call it a night.  It was all I could think about the entire evening at work. But would he find Margo? And if he did would she be alive? Were the two biggest questions that plagued me. So naturally I couldn't go to bed Tuesday until these questions were answered. 

"Who is the real Margo? Quentin Jacobsen has spent a lifetime loving the magnificently adventurous Margo Roth Spiegelman from afar.  So when she cracks open a window and climbs into his life - dressed like a ninja and summoning him for an ingenious compaign of revenge - he follows.  After their all-nighter ends, and a new day breaks, Q arrives at school to discover that Margo, always an enigma, has now become a mystery.  But Q soon learns that there are clues - and they're for him. Urged down a disconnected path, the closer he gets, the less Q sees the girl he thought he knew..."

Taking a step back and looking at the book as a whole, I loved it.   It touched on all the things young adults feel during that senior year, that moment you clean out your locker for the last time or the last time you eat lunch with your friends.  I found myself in love with the idea of the main characters, Q and Margo, falling love.  I couldn't help but thinking that John Greene had some how created a beautiful love story without the two characters even being together for a vast majority of the book.  Maybe it was the idea that Q had been so in love with Margo for all of his adolescence and now shes gone missing and he is the only one looking for her. He is the only one that wants to find her.  Its romantic really. 

Here is my biggest problem with this book:  None of the characters act like they are seniors.  

I mean...I suppose they act like seniors in high school but it was extremely difficult for me to picture Q as this 17 almost 18 year old man and Margo as an 18 year old woman. I consistently wanted to think of the characters as being sophomores maybe juniors  but then I would have to remind myself that sophomores don't drive...legally anyway. Sophomores don't go to prom and they don't throw end of the year parties. I'm also not used to reading a book from a man's point of view so this was a really interesting change. The only other author I've read who has written from the perspective of a man (not a little boy, Harry Potter doesn't count!) for either the entire book or large sections is Jodi Picoult. I'm not going to lie, I found it a little difficult to remember, while reading, that the book was narrated by a young man.  

I also strongly disliked the use of the term, "honneybunnies". I also was not fond of the character Ben who used this term. Every time I had to read it, I cringed a little and felt a little awkward. "Honneybunnies" refers to pretty much any girl that Ben deems attractive...which is pretty much anything with legs. Ben is probably the exact replica of a horny teenage boy, but seeing as I am neither a teenager or a boy, I can't be sure. But just about every chance Ben had, he mentioned sex, honneybunnies, or his genitals. To an almost obnoxious level. I also found his lack of loyalty annoying. Ben is supposed to have been Q's best friend for pretty much his entire life or at least since grade school.  So then why is it that Ben never wants to help Q find Margo?  Why is it that Ben all but rolls his eyes about the search for her?  Why is it that the moment Ben gets a chance to be a part of the "cool" kids and he gets to go to prom with the almost prom queen, does he jump at it?  I can't for the life of me understand why this hidden topic is pretty much brushed off and seems that all is forgiven when Ben chooses to miss graduation to go on a 21 hour car ride to find Margo.  

It is hard for me to explain the book and why I love it.  I love it because its based right here in Orlando though most of the areas used are fictional  and I love it because underneath it all its a love story.  At its core you have a boy who has been love with the popular girl for his entire youth and one night, his dream girl sneaks into his bedroom and leads him on this crazy journey.  You have a girl who on the outside has it all but behind the mask she has built she is someone else completely.  Said girl is smothered by the fakeness of it all and fears that if she stays even a moment longer she will suffocate.  As you turn the pages you get to watch as everything the boy knew about the girl is stripped away and he slowly falls in love with the beautifully broken girl that is left.  The book talks about how we are all paper-people living paper thin lives, and we put on these layers to appease those around us.  Sometimes we make it and sometimes all the strings inside get twisted and broken.  

Favorite Quotes 

"Interesting capitalization," I said.
"Yeah.  I'm a big believer in random capitalization.  The rules of capitalization are so unfair to the words in the middle"

"Light, the visible reminder of Invisible Light."

"Here's what's not beautiful about it: from here, you can't see the rust or the cracked paint or whatever, but you can tell what the place really is.  You see how fake it all is.  It's not even hard enough to be made out of plastic.  It's a paper town.  I mean look at it, Q:look at all those cul-de-sacs, those streets that turn in on themselves, all the houses that were built to fall apart.  All those paper people living in their paper houses, burning the future to stay warm.  All the paper kids drinking beer some bum bought for them at the paper convenience store.  Everyone demented with the mania of owning things.  All the things paper-thin and paper-frail.  And all the people, too. I've lived here for eighteen years and I have never once in my life come across anyone who cares about anything that matters."

"Standing before this building, I learn something about fear.  I learn that it is not the idle fantasies of someone who maybe wants something important to happen to him, even if the important thing is horrible.  It is not the disgust of seeing a dead stranger, and not the breathlessness of hearing a shotgun pumped outside of Becca Arrington's house.  This cannot be addressed by breathing exercises.  This fear bears no analogy to any fear I knew before. This is the basest of all possible emotions, the feeling that was with us before we existed, before this building existed, before the earth existed.  This is the fear that made fish crawl out onto dry land and evolve lungs, the fear that teaches us to run, the fear that makes us bury our dead."

"Ahab's a madman railing against fate.  You never see Ahab wanting anything else in this whole novel, do you?  He has a singular obsession.  And because he is the captain of his hip, no one can stop him.  You can argue that Ahab is a fool for being obsessed.  But you could also argue that there is something tragically heroic about fighting this battle he is doomed to lose.  Is Ahab's hope a kind of insanity or is it the very definition of humanness?"

"He has all kinds of problems - just like anyone.  I know it's impossible for you to see peers this way, but when you're older, you start to see them - the bad kids and the good kids and all kids - as people.  Thy're just people, who deserve to be cared for.  Varying degrees of sick, varying degrees of neurotic, varying degrees of self-actualized."

"The longer I do my job,' he said, 'the more I realize that humans lack good mirrors.  It's so hard for anyone to show us how we look, and so hard for us to show anyone how we feel."

"But isn't it also that on some fundamental level we find it difficult to understand that other people are human beings in the same way that we are?  We idealize them as gods or dismiss them as animals."

"Consciousness makes for poor windows."

"It is easy to forget how full the world is of people, full to bursting, and each of them imaginable and consistently misimagined."

My Blog && What It Means To Me

I've struggled for a long time to make this blog into something.

But it seems like I've always faltered to find one thing to consistently write about.

At first I thought I would just use this as a place

to write, like any other blog or journal.

And for a while that worked but then a found there were just certain areas

 of my life that no matter how much I wanted to write about them'

they were parts that I could not bring myself to share.

I dabbled briefly in "How To" blogs which I do find enjoyable...

when I have something that I feel deserves a how to blog.

However, it seems there is 5 bazillion how to blogs for just about everything.

So then I thought..

what if I did product reviews?! 

I dabbled in that a little bit, because women are always asking me

what I use in my hair, or on my face, or one thing, or another.

So that was nice and I plan to stick with that as much as I can...but I've recently picked

back up my love of reading.

With that being said...I think I am going to venture into posting 

Book Reviews. 

With that...I am awful at writing about books and movies

without giving it away totally.

So let this serve as a warning, 

I WILL PROBABLY SPOIL EVERY BOOK I READ. 

As always - If you have something you want reviewed, if you have a how to you'd like to see, or you have a book you think I should read. Feel free to comment below and let me know!!! 

<3

Keep Me Safe Inside

Sometimes I wish I could erase my memories. I remember where I was exactly one year ago tonight. I was safe, I was loved.

Now...all I can think of is where I am now and how you're not here with me. Where you should be...where you're supposed to be.

So vivdly I can see your smile and your laugh haunts me.

So vivdly I can see what you're doing, right this very moment. And I cant stand it. It feels as if my heart just may stop when these images fill my head. I can't stop them, they just force themselves in.

"A year ago, I would've never pictured my life the way it is now." & your response was, "nope! Not in a million years." I know where you were a year ago and when I read that...I know its not for me. It breaks me just a little bit more. Do you even think of me any more? What we shared? Does it haunt you the way it does me?

I had this wild, unrealistic thought today but it filled me with such hope that I don't know if I can let go of it. It was several years in the future, youd come to me. When I told you what was still in my heart, you asked, "after all this time?" & I replied "always." It brought a smile to my face. The first one in days.

Im terrified. I'm terrified that I'll spend my life alone. I'm terrified that you're it for me.

Please don't forsake me. Please don't give up on me.

"Keep me safe inside, your arms like towers, tower over me."

And These Memories, They Haunt Me

As I lay here staring at my ceiling try to fall asleep, my mind is swimming. So many new ventures headed my way and while I'm excited, its my memories that are keeping me awake.

The first time you looked at me, like I was the only one you could see.

The first time you kissed me, like your soul had a secret just for me.

The first time you told me you loved me, like you'd know for a thousand years before that you always had.

Its these things I think about and reach for you with a soft smile. When my hand finds the cold, empty space beside me, I'm instantly reminded that you're no longer mine.

And then my heart breaks all over again. All the pieces I've glued back together during the day to make the pain bearable, fall apart all over again.

For My Beloved

I hope this finds you when you have a moment alone, a moment that you can give me that will be just mine. I wish I knew well enough to leave you alone because I know right now as you read this you're happy, but I can't. Your last text to me, "we need to talk..." Looms over my head because I know what it means. I've known for three weeks what was happening, and I've known that for all my effort there was nothing I could do to stop it. I had hoped that my love...our love would be strong enough. And maybe it is, maybe its too strong. Maybe a part of you is afraid to be in love with me again so its easier to not be, easier to protect your heart. A heart that I am reluctant to let go of. 

I fear that I am becoming her. That I'm holding on so tightly to what you want me to let go of. That my desperate attempts to even hear just a small, kind word of encouragement are not what you want. I fear that when you see my name on your phone alert that instead of smiling as you once did, you groan in distain and just wish to be left alone. 

I know there is a choice to be made and I know that you're reluctant to make it because you hate to see someone hurt. I fear you might have already made this choice. I fear that I'm standing at the same prespise I was almost a year ago; back down and show you that my love for you is so great that I will gladly hurt if it means you are happy, or stand my ground and show you that I am not going anywhere, that our love is too great to be ignored. I don't know what to do, I don't know what is expected of me. You told me once before that you didn't want me to fight for you but deep down you wanted to see me stand up for us. I made the choice to back down and I have regretted every moment of it.

6 months ago we both confessed that we couldn't bare the thought of losing the other in any capacity. That not being friends was too hard and we faced the challenge every day to not reach out to the other. So you must know how difficult it is for me to so desperately want to hear your voice but know that I can't. I want to tell you how hard today has been for me, to tell you how the thought of loosing you for a second time is unbearable, and how all my mistakes have caught up to me. I want to tell you that all you have to do is ask. Ask me to come home, ask me to give you my everything. Ask me and I would gladly do it. I would leave everything behind, all of it. I want to tell you how I fear becoming the friend to you that has fleeting conversations with you when you're a work because you're not allowed to have them any other time. I fear the day will come that you are asked to cut me from your life completely and I fear that you will. I am not strong enough to face that day should it come

I know I don't have the right too ask anything of you, because you've given me so much in the past that I selfishly took from you without giving anything in return. You gave me love that I didn't understand, a love so great that I didnt know how to let it fill me up. I didn't know how to let it be enough to sustain me and get me through my hard times because no one has ever given me a love like that. Now that my own heart sits on the verge of breaking, it is I who am filled with such a love for you that I don't know how to swallow it, to bury it so that you may be happy without me.  It is filled with such a love for you that the miles between us feel like nothing. It would be selfish of me to ask you to give up your happiness simply so that I may be happy again. 

It was you who once said to me, "I made you fall in love with me once, I'll do it again." It was you who told me, "you are the best thing to ever happen to me." Now it is I who stand here telling you that you loved me once, you will again. I who stand here telling you that you are all the best parts of me. I, who stand here asking you to give me just one more chance. I'm not asking for you to make a choice and be with me, no. I'm asking that before you give in to the choice you are thinking of making, that you allow me one more weekend. One more opportunity to show you that our love can be better than it was, stronger than it was. One more weekend to show you that my words have meaning and that I truly mean them. Just three days, to show you all the love that I was too afraid to show you before. A love so great that it terrified me to think that I could so completely love someone as I love you. One weekend to selfishly steal you away and have to myself. If then you still wish to be with her as you do now, then I will at least know that I gave you the best parts of me. I can then let go knowing that I was given a fair opportunity and I am simply meant to be a friend for you in your times of need.

I can only hope that when you read this, you hear the love in my words because right now, my words are all I have to offer. I hope that you know you are all I think of. I hope that as you read this it stirs something in you, awakens something in you that is too strong to ignore. I can only hope that my persistence is seen not as nagging or pushiness but as my way of fighting for what I know I have loved for a thousand years before and will love for a thousand more. I've never been asked to fight for something, I've never had anything worth fighting for. Until you. 

Itunes Shuffle - Part 1

Back in the day, when Myspace was "the it thing", and before Facebook...There used to be these really random things that would go around.  It would ask you to put your Itunes on shuffle then put the title of the song as the answer to a question.

I'm not sure why I loved these so much, maybe its my love of music.  None the less every few years I'll do a new one!  I have two today that I want to do, one of which is REALLY long but I thought, hell my Itunes is big enough!

1. Put your iTunes, windows media player, etc., on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

4. I'd love for everyone to do this and leave it in my comments! 

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?

"I Get Off" Halestorm  (Oh goodness. How perfect!)

2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?

"Backseat" Newboyz 

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

"We Are Broken" Paramore (Which....if you want to get all deep and thoughtful, this is pretty fitting given my current...situation.)

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

"Already Home" Ha-Ash (To be honest...I'm not even sure how this song got in my Itunes)

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFES PURPOSE?

"Hallelujah" Paramore (The opening line is "Somehow everything is going to fall right into place." Which is pretty much how I live my life. 

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?

"Better in Time" Boyce Avenue 

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

"This I swear" Nick Lachey 

8. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

"Take Over the Breaks Over" Fall Out Boy

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN?

"Take Your Time" Lydia (If you haven't heard of this band, check them out! I saw them for the first time opening for Anberlin and ugh. So good!) 

10. WHAT IS 2 + 2?

"Ready" Fabulous (Um...okay?)

11. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

"Outrageous" Brittany Spears 

12. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW-UP?

"Check It Out" Will.I.Am ft Nicki Manja (The opening verse is so fitting for me though!  "Step up in the party like my name was that bitch, all these haters mad because I'm so established.")

13. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

"Need You Know" Boyce Avenue (God Do I ever!)

14. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

"He said, She said" Ashley Tisdale

15. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

"Between The Raindrops" Lifehouse (Close but I'll actually be dancing to a "A Thousand Years" by The Piano Guys)

16. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

"The Carpel Tunnel of Love" Fall Out Boy (oddly enough...I'm okay with this)

17. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

"If This Isn't Love" Jennifer Hudson

18. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?

"Hero/Heroine" Boys Like Girls 

19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

"I Still..." Backstreet Boys (Fuuuck this is so on point right now.)

20. WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?

"Do Somethin" Brittany Spears 

21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

"We Can't Stop"  Neon Hitch Cover 

22. WHAT WILL YOUR CHILD'S FIRST WORD(S) BE?

"Misery Business" Paramore 

23. WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR?

"Break My Fall" Breaking Benjamin

24. WHAT DID YOU SAY IN YOUR SLEEP LAST NIGHT?

"Skin" Rhianna

25. WHAT WILL YOU PUBLISH THIS NOTE?

"SMS/Bangerz" Miley Cyrus



Review: Etsy Shopping Part 1

I have been looking at the website Etsy.com for a long time but never ordered anything.  Mainly because I always thought when a price was reasonable the shipping would be way too much, or the price of the product would be too much but the shipping really low.  I am happy to say I have finally ordered some things from Etsy! Today I wanted to do a review for the first shop I ordered from, I'm still waiting for my second order to arrive.

Normally I order my cases from Amazon because lets face it, you can get a decent case for super cheap.  Now...these cases don't always hold up for very long and its difficult to know where your product is coming from.  On Etsy it is possible to add a filter so that you view product only in your area, for me its "United States".  This insures that you will pay pretty low shipping costs and have faster delivery times.

Izercase - (If you click on "Izercase" it will take you to the shop!!) This shop is fantastic!  It ships out of California so there is no waiting 30+ days to get what you ordered to arrive from Chine.  While I feel like the selection is kind of limited in the sense that they have a lot of cases, with the same basic design just in different colors,  they do accept requests for custom case designs.  While the price is a smidge more than I would normally pay (I'm cheap ha!) I feel comfortable in paying the $14.99 ($16.99 for a custom case) with free shipping and will gladly do so again!

This is the case I ordered! Ignore my nails, I'm in desperate need of a manicure!  The back where the design is printed is hard, and the white edges are of a stiff rubber material. One of the things I love MOST about this case, is that it doesn't just clip on the back.  The phone actually slips into the case and the sides come up around the edges, protect the sides of the phone as well.

Here is what the case looks like from the front, and I tried to get a picture of what the lip looks like on it.  All the cut outs are perfect too!  I was a little concerned about the cut out for the bottom because the S5 has the little door for the charging port, but it isn't blocked at all.  The only thing I don't like is that there aren't cut outs on the side for the buttons (volume, lock screen).  This sometimes makes it hard to get a screen shot, but in the grand scheme of things...if that's the only thing I don't like about it...is taking a screen shot THAT important? 

I also want to touch on the stores level of customer service! Amazing!  It took me about a week from order to arrival to get my case, sadly the first one I received was the wrong case.  It was the right print but the first one they sent me didn't say "Hakuna Matata" on it.  Within 24 hours of notifying them of what had happened, they responded and shipped the correct one too me.  I'm also going to assume (I say assume because it isn't confirmed) that they used some kind of expedited shipping because I received my replacement within 2-3 days!!  They also told me I could keep the one they original sent me in error as part of the compensation for my inconvenience.  

I will be ordering ALL my cases from this company! It is so difficult for me to find cases because I'm so picky, so knowing that I can submit requests for custom cases?  Its an amazing thing and I can't wait for my next one! Click Here  to visit the shop!!

Ipad Air vs Galaxy Note 10.1 (2014 Edition): A Review

Let me just start by saying that there is no right or wrong choice here, it is really going to come down to preference. I'm also going to say that this review will be void of all that technical mambo-jumbo because lets be honest here...most of us don't really know what all that means.

Lets talk about the Ipad Air first (and I'll do my best to not be biased here). When Apple first hit the scene YEARS ago with the Ipod, I was able to get my hands on one and loved it.  From there I muddled my way through the different versions while dreaming of one day owning my own Macbook.  Having always used windows when the day came for my Macbook I was so disappointed and ultimately when back to windows.  Even after having my taste of Mac and not liking it, I still desperately wanted an Ipad.  When Tmobile started financing them, of course I was there in the story getting my hands on a 32 gb Ipad Air.  While I wasn't disappointed with it, after using it for about a month my feelings towards it were "Eh." I felt like it was more of a status thing, because it was "Apple".  I didn't have any real complaints about it but I had always viewed a tablet as a extremely portable laptop.  The Ipad fell VERY short of this.  I found that there were a lot of apps that while compatible, weren't made for the Ipad but for the Iphone.  So while they worked, they just looked a little funny.  I used this a lot while laying in bed but wanting to write, but found it difficult to sit comfortably with it.  In portrait, it was easy to use your thumbs like when texting on a phone, but after a while my hands would get tired.  When in landscape, it was more like typing on a computer but with a really cramped key board, so again my hands would hurt after a while.  Using the Kindle app was really nice, no complaints there.  I used it on a 6 hour car ride from Florida to Georgia to read with no issue.  I also used this a lot for Movies, using apps like Netflix, Vudu, and Disney Movies Anywhere.  The sound was sometimes an issue as it wasn't very loud forcing me to watch with subtitles or headphones.  I never experienced a problem with the transition from app to app, didn't experience a lot of crashing of apps, the camera was alright (but I never really used it) and the back light on it was pretty nice.  Also the battery life on it is insane.  I could go DAYS without charging with moderate use, but watching movies did seem to drain it more.  So all in all it was a nice experience nothing to really complain about however, I do have one HUGE complaint.  

The Ipad is GARBAGE when it comes to being used in ANY type of light, especially outside. You want to lay out in the sun and watch a movie, maybe read a little?  Forget it.  Its not happening. Period.  I tried to lay out and tan, and I put the Ipad under the table so it was in the shade and STILL couldn't see the picture, ended up just looking at myself.  Now I don't know if this can be solved with a non reflective screen protector, I never tried.  My second complaint would be the inability to expand the storage.  I had a 32gb device and with my movies this was an issue.  Obviously a movie file is a large file, but there isn't a way for you to store your movies.  So its pretty distressing or upsetting to have to choose what movies get to stay and which ones have to go.

Now.  This tablet right here? This makes the Ipad look like an expensive paperweight.  To be fair, I will probably have to do an update on this review or revisit a review on this tablet because I've had it less than 12 hours.  Lets start with complaints - So far my two complaints would be the fact that the 2014 Edition doesn't come in white, only black.  While this isn't a huge issue, me being mildly OCD, would have liked it to match my phone (I have a Galaxy S5 in white).  The other complaint is that the screen doesn't seem to turn off.  Like on my phone if I leave it sit inactive eventually the screen goes dark, or if you push a button to turn the screen on and leave it sit inactive it will go dark.  The tablet doesn't seem to do that, unless I push the lock button.  I'm thinking this is just a setting that I haven't found yet to adjust.  

On to the fun stuff!! This tablet is AMAZING when it comes to all the things it will do and if I was more tech savy I'm sure it would do so much more for me! One of the things I love most is its ability to multi-task! 

As you can see this pictures shows 4 different apps running at one time.  Looks like they have the ChatOn app, the gallery, Google maps, and an internet window open.  You can certainly run more than these four windows but I haven't found a way yet to put one in the foreground, they just overlap and get in the way so you constantly have to move it.  But split even like this you just select which window you want to work in.  As I mentioned before I do a lot of writing, so I was able to actively run my Google Doc app on one side and Facebook on the other side.  I found that Facebook updated in real time, so I didn't have to click on that box and refresh.  While I don't think my feed refreshed on its on, it did alert me if I received a notification.  Tonight I'm going to try and run my Doc apps on one side and Netflix on the other to see if I can write and watch movies/tv at the same time. 

I wish I was more artist inclined because the integration between stylus and tablet is off the wall.  The picture above was drawn on the tablet using the stylus.  Now this does take a very steady head and a still surface but it would be very easy to achieve anything you wanted to draw if you held such talents.  Seeing as my skills are more writing based, I probably won't get much use out of the Sketch pad app but let me tell you...I can draw some pretty awesome stick figures with this thing!!!  Another feature I really enjoy with the stylus is the little button on the side of the stylus itself.  Think of it as a "Select" or "Enter" button on the pen.  When you hover the stylus over the screen and push the button, a shortcut menu opens up.  I haven't played with all the options but there is a feature called "Scrapbook" that allows you to use the stylus to "crop" pictures or parts of documents from any application and store them in your scrapbook to view/use later.  There is also an option that allows you to draw a box anywhere on the screen and any size, then open an app in it.  Now this feature is limited to the apps that it can open I believe but its till a fun feature! So far I've also found that I can use the pen to take a screen shot (then write on or draw on said screen shot) and also use the pen to select certain pictures, or parts of documents to save.  

This tablet seems like its perfect for anyone who is constantly on the go, loves being able to have more than one thing open on the screen at a time, and it is the perfect companion for professionals.  For anyone who uses a Galaxy phone you're already use to not only the operating system but also all the wonderful things Samsung offers...only on steroids! This tablet does feel a smidge heavier than an Ipad but it also feels more sturdy than the Ipad, I'm not afraid of breaking this one.  While I'm sure I'll run into the same problems, writing wise, the Galaxy Note puts the Swype feature to good use with the stylus and also provides the ability of turning your hand writing to text. 

My over all opinion on the two tablets is this - When comparing side by side spec wise sure there are minor difference that lead the buyer to stick with what they know.  If you have an Iphone you will lean more towards the Ipad and vice versus.  I urge any Apple user to look past the operating system, give yourself a few minutes to get used to the drastic difference between operating systems, and really get to know the Note.  Honestly, the Note makes the Ipad look like an expensive, obsolete paper weight.  After having both, I really feel like I went to Amazon and tried to order a knock off tablet and ended up with the Ipad. As you can see there were more pictures included for the Note than the Ipad and thats for a reason.  The bottom line is the Note does more than the Ipad.  Plain and simple.  

How To: Messy topknot bun

Happy Father's days to all the real men who step up and take care of their kids and to all the moms pulling double duty!! 

I also want to say hello to all the people reading from Venezuela, Russia, Australia, and Ukraine! Its so insane to think that people on the other side of the world are reading my blogs!! 

Today I wanted to put together a how to for the super cute, messy topknot buns that have become SUPER popular!! I have tried to achieve this look for MONTHS and my bun is either cute or messy, but never both. Last night I got lost in the world of youtube, starting out with videos about pit bulls and some how ended up on how to sculpt the perfect eye brow and how tos for the perfect messy bun.  I found a video that I really liked and I loved the result she had but thought to myself "Ugh. My hair will NEVER do that!!".  Thanks to a bit of insomnia, I found myself in front of the mirror attempting to follow her instructions.  

 This was the result the first time I tried it, beginners luck! Today when attempting to pull of the same thing, it took me several tries but ultimately I'm still happy with it!! Considering I had such good results I wanted to share the video on my blog! So check out the video below then go try it on your hair and let me know how it works for you! 

Some important points to remember:

• This will work best on dirty hair
• It also works better if you don't brush your hair.  If you have to brush your hair, do so but then run your fingers through it several times to get that un-brushed look.
• It is really important to follow her instructions when she says to not wrap the hair tie around the base.  If you do, when you start to pull at the bun it totally comes apart. 

Car Accidents, Chiropractors, and Chick - Fil - A

Last month, the day before my birthday, I was involved in what most would consider a minor fender bender.  Any one who has been in a car accident knows that the things your body goes through is not always considered minor.  This is the 3rd accident I've been in and thankfully none of them have been my fault.  The first accident totaled my car and the other two I've been rear ended.  This last one...messed me up pretty bad.  The damage to my car isn't too bad, but it did leave a pretty nice dent in my bumper and pushed my trunk door out of place.  I just left the chiropractor today finding out that my spin is has a slight curve to it, my neck is curving the wrong way, and every point in my body that should make a straight line doesn't.  My shoulders do not sit even like they should, I get a headache almost every day sometimes two times a day, and forget sleeping at night.  I have a hard time flat ironing my hair because of the position I have to hold my head...and for any of you women with curly hair, you know what level of distress it is to not be able to flat iron your hair!  With all of this going on, for the last month, my insurance company has been trying to track down a policy for the woman who hit me.  The information that was provided to the Cop at the scene of the accident was the wrong information so when my company tired to find it to file a claim they couldn't find it.  Today I got the phone call that they had located a policy, but that it was filed under a different name and policy number.  

At first I was really excited that they had found a policy!  This means that all my medical bills, all my prescriptions, the damage to the car, and pain and suffering will be paid for!! But now that I've had some time to think about it I'm growing more concerned.  This woman hit me and provided false information at the scene of the accident, the policy while valid is listed under someone else with a totally different policy number, and its been a month and my insurance company just filed a claim with them.  The at fault party hadn't even filed the claim!  I bet they thought they were going to get away scott free and not have to pay for anything!  Its also unsettling because if the accident was never reported, what if the at fault party doesn't have proper coverage?  I could still be left holding the bill for a lot of something that wasn't my fault!! None the less I have to have faith that everything will turn out as it should! 

Until next time lovelies!!! 

P.S - Don't forget to check out my blog about Origami Owl!! My party ends on the 15th, so you only have a few days to get your orders placed!! 

My Favorites: Movies (Current top 3)

So it seemed like some of my most popular posts were my "How To" and "My Favorites", but also my posts regarding my hair.  Seeing as I don't have anything going on with my hair right now, I thought I would try to do more of the "Favorites" blog!  

I absolutely love movies. To almost a disgusting level.  My collection doesn't come close to those who have walls of movies (I had a friend who's movie room, the walls from floor to ceiling, were nothing but movies!) but I started my collection a few months ago and I'm up to almost 300 movies!  I've been playing with the idea of doing reviews but for now I thought I would just post some of my favorite movies for starts! 

 

 

This movie. Ugh this movie.  I watch this movie every time I start to have any doubts about love, any time I'm not feeling well, or anytime I just need a little bit of hope!  The entire movie is in French with the option for English subtitles.  If I'm not mistaken its based off of a book and I would love to read it but I've yet to find a copy of the book translated to English.  I wish I cold read French because I'm sure the translation of the book isn't as good. "Tells the story of a young woman's relentless search for her fiancé, who has disappeared from the trenches of the Somme during World War One." - taken from imdb.com as a very brief description of the movie. My favorite quote from the movie comes from the very opening scene and reads as follows:

"If Manech were dead, Mathilde would know. Since the death notice, she subbornly holds on to her intuition , like to a flimsy wire. She never gets discouraged. And Mathilde is of a cheerful disposition. If that wire doesn't lead her to her lover, never mind...she can always use it as a noose."

When this movie released I thought "Meh. I could watch it." and I patiently waited for it hit my Netflix Que.  I didn't have high hopes for the movie, figured it would be the movie that you just kind of go "Well...I guess I could buy it but only after it hits the $5 bin at Walmart." Oh my god was I wrong.  This movie had me laid on my stomach, with my face in my hands, staring at the screen.  I was completely sucked into this movie!  Emma Watson (Sam) did a wonderful job and it was a bit unexpected to hear her pull off an American accent, there were words you could tell she struggled with but the fact that she is stunning makes up for it.  Logan Lerman (Charlie) is breath taking.  He portrays the shy, nervous, outcast freshman perfectly.  Ezra Miller (Patrick) is everything I want him to be as Patrick.  Now I have yet to read the book, I've started it and I'm okay with it so far but I stay so busy that its hard for me to have the time to sit down and read. With that being said, I could not picture any other actors for this movie. Emma, Logan, and Ezra are absolutely perfect.  You will be able to relate to the movie and its characters.  You will laugh, you will cry, your heart will break a little, and you will fall in love.  "An introvert freshman is taken under the wings of two seniors who welcome him to the real world." - imdb.com

Mary Elizabeth: (After Charlie has handed them a bag of gifts) "Wait a second, there's only Secret Santa presents. There's rules!
Patrick:  "Mary Elizabeth, why are you trying to EAT Christmas?"

I have a mild obsession with music inclined movies.  Its a little hard to decide which one was going to make the list but I had to go with "Burlesque" because who doesn't love Christina and Cher?  I'm a sucker for the come up movies where the lead character starts with nothing and really makes a name fore themselves.  I also have to give credit to Cher who is like...God I don't know how old and she is STILL working it and killing it!! Then you have Christina who is just...to die for.  I remember growing up listening to her! The catchy songs, the amazing costumes, and the shoes are any woman's dream.  "A small-town girl ventures to Los Angeles and finds her place in a neo-burlesque club run by a former dancer." - imdb.com

"Every opportunity has a shelf life"