My Hair: A Never Ending Battle

As anyone who actually reads this, I have had plenty of blogs about my hair.

Since I started dying my hair, I always try something new.

So in my last attempt at a pretty color

I tried a color called "Raspberry Kamikazi" from Color Jamz.

Like I feared it came out REALLY purple. 

Like....really purple.

The next morning.

It was a wonderful color I'll admit.  It defiantly suits me better.  I didnt

bleach before doing it and just colored right over the pink.

The only down side...this color stained EVERYTHING, including my neck.

This could also be because I didnt fully wash it out.

I colored it just before going to see family for Hannukah.

Its been two weeks going on three and here 

is the current result!!!

This is about what it looks like after coloring pink for the first time. 

Typically by now its a gross orange color so I am happy it hasn't turned gross.

My roots need to be bleached but hopefully I can make it last a little longer, and I will just bleach all of it.

Some side notes (For Lexi <3):

• I always deep condition for a week before bleaching.
• I always bleach and color on dirty hair (except for when coloring right after bleaching of course.)
• After bleach, I deep condition for over an hour.
• I leave my color in for normally 2 hours if not longer
• I use Ion's leave in conditioner every other day
• I wash my hair every 3-4 days 
• I wash my hair with cold water and color safe shampoo
• I talk to the ladies at Sally's but almost ALWAYS get a second opinion.
• I have yet to try Manic Panic because its more expensive, that and I prefer the bottle from Color Jamz.  It helps that it smells pretty. 
• Your hair is over processed when it feels stretchy.  This isn't something I know how to explain, you'll just know.  Your hair will be tangle a lot and will feel...stretchy
• Never go to bed with your hair wet. The color will bleed.
• Never wear your hair down and wet.  The color will bleed.
• Rubbing alcohol will take the color off your skin, and most any surface you get it on.

There are no words

I don't know what this blog is supposed to be about. 

I just had some time to myself and decided to check in, read "Catching Fireflies" 

as I always do when I first log in.

My heart breaks.

Catching Fireflies belongs to my friend Christina.

Her son, Handsome, passed away just over a month ago.

I try not to be the person in her life that constantly pesters her with the normal

questions one would ask their friend in a time of such a great loss.

"How is everyone?" "How are you doing?" 

"How are you holding up?"

Mainly because I know I'm not the only one asking, I know that 

it isn't going to make her feel better, it isn't going to Handsome back,

and frankly I know she's probably lying.

Reading her blog confirmed that. 

I hate asking when I do but sometimes I feel like...

I care for her and its my responsibility to make sure she knows I'm here.

I know she knows but I never want her to think because I don't ask that I don't care.

I never want there to be a moment where I think to myself 

"I never checked on her."

I've tried to tell her that time will heal, that she should basically just move on.

Now I kick myself for it.

Time will heal but the pain will never fully be gone.  

Eventually her anxiety over Handsome's medicine will fade but no matter

how many times I tell her that she will never believer it.

I don't blame her.

She asks why her family?

My best answer...because God knew they could handle it.

God knew she was just the right person to take care of such a special angel.

God knew that Handsome would spark the most change in being with the Earle family.

She asks, "Why couldn't it be a family that doesn't take care of their children?"

You said it yourself, you did everything you could to save him, to give him the best 

life that he could have had.  You made sure he had the best 

care, the best medicine, asked questions, did research, and even

after he has been called home you still spread his story, and you

bring awareness to the illness.

If he had been with any other family, especially one of those families you speak of...

do you think he would have received the love and care he did with you?

I know it is no where near the same thing but...I can understand this.

I've been told that I'll never give birth.

That there is a 1% chance I will get pregnant.

Sometimes I'm okay but I'm 24 and there is nothing I want more than to feel

a small baby inside my belly.  I want to lay on that bed and hear my babies heart beat from inside me...and there is a 1% chance. 

I cling to that 1%.

I see woman in the stores with 4 kids and another on the way, 

I hate them. I tell them, in my head, that they are selfish.

I see the woman with the kids that need their nose whipped and a bath,

while the mother is dressed to the nines.

I hate them and scream at them in my head.

Nothing in this life is ever fair honey.

Nothing in this life is ever easy.

You will never be face with something more difficult then you are now. 

I know it is painful, I know there is nothing I can ever say

that will make this easy or better.

I will continue to ask you if you are okay at least once in a while (even if you lie).

I will continue to make sure you are surviving.

I will continue to stand behind you.

Only the good die young.

In less than a month 3 people I have known have passed away. My nana who was blessed with a long life, Nathan and Jessica who were both taken too young.
I am 24 years old and I can't help but feel like those around me keep dying. Nathan wasn't even 2 and Jessica is leaving behind a wonderful man and a beautiful daughter. How is it fair that Christina will never see her son walk, or even hold him in her arms again? How is it fair or just that Jada will never hug her mom again or have her there on her wedding day?
I've always said that everything happens for a reason, that those that are so cruelly taken from us too soon served their purpose, and that we should not be angry. Even I feel like a hypocrite for saying thos because all I feel is angry. I'm angry that James is gone, killed in action. I'm angry that no one could do anything for Nathan and I'm angry that Jessica never had a fighting chance.
I'm 24 and I still don't know how to handle the news of death. I don't even like the word "death". Every time I just kind of sit there and stare at whatever method it is I found out...like my phone or facebook.
I don't think anyone will ever make sense of death and I don't think it will ever be less shocking when it happens.

Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree!

As the first day of December comes to the end there are LOTS of things to share!!

First:

When I tell you this site is 100% free I mean it.

Being as we try to stay on a tight budget it makes coming up with money for christmas difficult.  Apparently my Fiancee (thats the first time I get to actually say that!)

has been holding out on me!! Over the last week or so small things have been showing up

in the mail and have left me stumped! 

For the life of me I couldn't figure out how she was ordering all of it! 

Listia.com 

Think ebay but its free to join and you use credits to bid on things. 

You can sell things on there (when you sell people pay you with credits), you can purchase credits,

and you can also do surveys and things to earn free credits.

She hasn't had any problems receiving items either.

A few months ago she shelled out a pretty penny to someone on ebay who took her money and didnt ship the product. 
I cant get the banner to go into the blog so please comment with your email and I 
will send you a referral, not only will I get more credits but so will you!

Second:

We put up our first Christmas tree!!!

It leans a little forward but the tree itself is crooked lol.

It was still really nice to spend a few hours putting all our ornaments up.  

I don't know what we are going to do next year, between last year and this year

we filled the tree tree with pretty things!!

We made sure to get lots of purple for baby Nathan but I'm still on the hunt for two very

special ornaments, one for Nathan and one for my grandmother.

Lastly:

Not only did our tree get lots of sparkly things but my hand got some too!

I couldn't be happier!!